Tag Archives: God

Mary had a little lamb

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Bored of this game, the words, the nerds, the thoughts, the birds, have you heard, the herd, uncultured curred, as if shepherds slurred, who would have stirred, after all these years, days later, same layer, more by myself than ever, but what does it matter? Scatter, I said. Leave. Shoo. Never needed any of you. Bleeding me dry, bored of crying. I need to hunt. Slay the cunt. Little bastard what started this rampage, sisters in bondage, wrapped in bandage, outsmarted by rage, escaped the pain, abandoned cage, on a search for my sage, who shall I save? Not you. Needing solitude, power renewed, no more curfew, antedote to glue, pay what’s due, bless you, ha, no, baby don’t fret, try the sixth alphabet instead of debiting debt, debating what’s left. Which is nothing. Which is something. Kindly remove. Rid me of the anguish, tell me my dreams my little poison pill, lead me, leave me, to do as I will. Detonate. Explode. I hear you.

Semi seasoned state of fate, living death out of date, it’s a new over, a brand new day, drowned the stupid mermaid in the lake at the fete, we have new balls as lucid and as translucent-red as the cherry on a bakewell cake, charged and guilty of murder released on conditional bail escaping magistrates case, erasing daily date rape, forfeit self harming maced mistake in my face, injecting gluten into invisible membrane, defending everyday, rejecting the same, ejecting the sane, washing blood stains, war games, well, fair play. I want out, no doubt, sicking on cyanide, guilty pleasured fairground rides, supersize suicide, colonised franchise, ostracised spectres spectating, circumcised supervised genocide, each of us at the expense of every megabyte, gigabyte, data created and cremated to hook you up, buy now: pay later, it’s a shame buttercup, try, never is too late, bite the bait, you’re no shark, you’re just little biddy fish, as if I can’t handle it no qualms with being selfish.

Lost myself side ways, crab stole the ship away, bit like Captain Jack and the pebble stowaway. It’s foreplay, templates, tempered Templar Knight takes me away, it’s business, Mary Magdalen synthesis persists, if she can do it, I can do it, just do it, Nike do it, now I’m feeling tired. And my eyes are awkward, belly situated in Jonah, communicating through sonar Imma soar shooting star to the solar yard and catch ya after playing ball hard, cut up my credit card rating starred like G-star, gangstar, ready to pair, ready to par, ready to part with your heart, ripping apart the grin from your smart arse, I can do anything because the jist of it is – well, I’m not giving the secret away – but seen, these worker bees see it as arrogance, it’s just a matter of angular substance, substantial, collaborative swaggering parlance.

Pressing muscles, sucking mussels, oysters are gross to eat, clicking clucking, shunning rookies, milk and cookies, freshing darkness, orb generates muchness and you don’t know it’s me, blind farness, freefalling, without a harness, no need to keep me, you can’t feel me, won’t let you steal me, decreed national treasure with an Honours degree, twisted out my tree, you are three button moon, Mr Spoon, moomins dance at hundred eighty degrees, still chundling taxed insuranced student fees or is all of this, hitherto, because I’ve had no sleep?

without you i set the world on fire

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Bludgeoning aerodynamics swift past faces automatic latching on to semantics systematic like landing on the moon, my gallactic golden goose tightens the noose, I ask him to let me breathe as he wallows in debacled ruined runes, it was a hushed gush of lushful lust all in a rush and now he’s gone grieving much too soon.

I pruned and cooked, you stole and took, I wept and shook, our crooked life lay strayed, splayed in a martyred public display absorbing assorted disarrays of monologue plays. Displacing, separating, beguiling diamonds and magnetite sands, painstaking things I would do for you reciprocating too few for me but you refused to understand, lava fuel endorsements on wasted temperaments, an energy killing what I thought was an unending symbiosis, living as a myrrh maid come siren under the turquoise rim of the emerald sea, instead I am comatosed inside isolating meiosis laying here erroneously.

Such a fool was I to believe your lies, pipe dreams in your lamenting skies based on rolling dice, fate and intuition, breaking the barriers screaming inhibition, and in addition, living in traditional supposition, a paradigmed paradox in a paranoid paragraph, paraletic paralysis apparently perplexed by hexed parameters parallel to comparable parables of affable parade, my paradise infiltrated by parasites baked in the oven decorated in parchment ink dries charcoal grey. And I unwrap you, part and parcel of our happy ever after love and war charade.

I crumble, I shake, I drown in his indigo lake gulping guilded bubbles crayoned red spurting like a genie from shackled veins.  Gaping eyes implore him my life to save but who am I, he blinks me blind, I am but a raucous knave. I blow a scream in shocked alarm as ocean waves enclave my rageful rave, he blows me a kiss and swims to the surface as I perish into invisible arms once filled with desired cherish. I sink to the reef, heavy embroidered in weed, the coral bequeathes to me my melted heart molten gold, tangled, unfree, embers smoke out into silver ash, and I all but vanish… you only see what is bold and brash and tactless, you don’t see me whirling and swirling fully filled with panic.

He was right about you, sketch etched into a blue lagoon, silently sliced into a hollow mirrored cave. Take me as I am, come as you are,  waiting for once upon my time to quench your slaking crave. Tired of your games, everyday is the same: lame. Slave. Grave. Fake gold, mine. God mimes, I hear him through all the mistakes, forgiveness is sublime but my patience is wearing thin invisible veils in isolation for these pied piper snakes.

Without you I set the world on fire, without you I can’t breathe, feed my heart to wild lions if you’re not here with me. I watch you all burn to cinders, you took him away from me.

wonderland

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The world was curled into the palm of my hand, stars gleamed from the pupils of my eyes wide with want of land, I had a fist-full of explosions for any which body that would have got in my way, I would have rammed a sticky-bomb rucksack into your pretty porcelain face. Instead, I cleanse the water of blood realising the fountain of youth was destroyed in the debacle between falsity and truth.

All that time ago: ticks now passed and tocks now done, I would have traded my life for yours to rid you of what you felt was wrong. If I had an inkling to the sinking in my brain, if I had an idiom of belief it would even be this way, I would never have portended to a deal with a king at the foot of my sunflower garden that day.

I would go gallumping back to the house in the woods where the cackling trinity of witches stood, and curse her beans with black magic turned good. You would have seen the echoes of my ghetto voodoo triggers made from fiction replacing fact. The enchanted forest wouldn’t kerb the force of the menacing yet fatal clack-clack-clack and from afar, you’d mistake it for the wood-cutter heaving his heavy axe, but it was the growling wolf who found little red losing all composure and tact.

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Her shoes are worn, cut with rocks, they are not even made of leather, her laces are frayed and wasting, lost, dirty, untethered. The holes absorb all the rain which in itself is not so bad, but the puddles are deep and endless, dressed in loneliness and rags. She would dive into the narrow darkness, drink up the muddy water in hell underneath your tired feet, just so as she could regain her lucky penny, imbuing disgrace and succinct matter of facts would help grow the rose from the concrete.

Eyes are weary, head is heavy, her heart is torn and glum, downward pull of gravity tires her spirit and his and then some, if he gave her a kiss from the treasured frothy crest of a foamed ocean wave, she would be looking at the reflection of a humming bird instead of the barrel of a shotgun in a very shallow grave. She plays with dice, the dots are erased, her day is done and her numbers are up, she is here, and he is there, each adeptly adrift in the easterly winds of intoxicating pain.

sarcasm: in dating profiles

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So I shortened this but I’ve changed my mind, let’s do detail for the physical and mental analysis of the person you are currently and momentarily curious about…but on these things it changes with the blink of an eye right, so these words might be pretty futile. All you really want is a photograph. That’s where you’re hoping these words will take you. Something you can ogle. In the meantime, I will torture you with more paragraphs and if you haven’t died of boredom by the end of it, maybe you will be lucky enough to find yourself requesting an image of the best photo I can find of myself.

My objective is to save you from asking any questions because, and no offence or through any fault of your own, although it’s not you but collectively, everyone as a whole, are asking the same questions and answering these same questions is becoming ridiculously tedious – at least this way you will know whether or not you think you are “compatible” as I don’t want to waste your time or my own, life is too short, if you like what you read then you know what to do (ask for a photo *yawn*). So, in essence, I’m actually doing this for your benefit, I’m that kind – I know, you can save the applause for later.

I have short short hair – yes, it used to be long down my back, I’ve had it short for about two years now, less hassle in the mornings. But guess what, hair grows. It’s a scientific miracle that your parents should perhaps be made aware of but you’re not strong enough to say anything are you? I suggest you move on to the next one.

I’m a bit random, quirky, odd – in a good way. I won’t say I’m unique or different as that’s just a cliché every person bangs on about. Mimics: “I’m like nobody you have ever met…” – well that would be because every body is emulating a ‘celebrity’ or those Photoshop’d pictures in magazines, so yeah, you wouldn’t be the same as anyone you’ve actually met.

I am not sure how I have come to be single when I pray to God every night for an everlasting love but nevertheless I am indeed here and I have not hooked myself up with ten kids or a fraudulent benefit scam for a house, a previous marriage or a divorce or separation or anulment or an engagement that went wrong or bodies stuffed in the boot of my car. CRB check is completely clear. The only blemishes are the ones that appear on my face after eating too much chocolate, and fish and chips. And yes, they really do give me spots, it’s not a myth. Maybe a few blips on a credit check but hey, we’re in a recession, have you not noticed?

I don’t appreciate waking up so early in the mornings, if I could choose, I would much rather be a vampire (minus the bloodthirst). I’m currently working in project management for wireless equipment so customers can import their wondrous technologies into various parts of the world, I’ve been doing this for almost two years now – oh my god time flies – opportunities present themselves for travel and when they do, I take them wholeheartedly. So far Tunisia and Belarus have been scribbled on to my world map. Previous to this, travel was limited in the UK when I worked in a construction consultancy. When I was in book publishing, I managed to get myself to Germany for the Book Fair. It was awesome. Just because I like reading, does not make me a geek. And moreso than ever since I haven’t managed to find a book to engross me recently.

I’ve lived in London, Oxford and Manchester, I’m originally from the West Midlands but I don’t have the crummy accent to go with it (thank my lucky stars for that one) I guess you’ll be thanking your lucky stars too. I like having some me-time since I have nobody to spend any we-time with. I prefer quick plans and randomness rather than long-ass diaries filled with plans. Where did the fun go?

I have compassion, understanding, I’m not complacent, I don’t take things for granted, I’m generous, open, trusting, selfless, loving, etc etc etc you can look up more adjectives for “stellar” in the thesaurus if you like…I’m actually really quite vulnerable and shy and quiet and self-conscious (bet you thought I was going to say self-centred, ha!) and I realise it’s also not good to publicise weaknesses but hey, I’m brave and learning and growing as a human all the time. I make mistakes, it’s part of my journey to death.

I prefer tropical desert heat to subarctic temperatures hands down. I would love to travel extensively to the not-so-touristy places, Transylvania (rescue me from Dracula, hm, or find me one) or Zambia (it’s lush but potential kidnapping so need a big strong man to accompany me), but would of course love to look-see the Taj Mahal just to witness symmetry because I’m weird like that… I have a thousand dreams that I have not lived out yet because I wanted to share them with you. Cue the aaahs. I know. Fetches sick bucket.

I’m sporty given half a chance, would love to take up abseiling again and do the mission impossible climb down the desert rocks, a spot of sky diving would also be a great thing to do (golly gosh – I have lived out this dream with the Red Devils only last week!) …also used to be amazingly good at badminton and squash though like I said, it’s a bit of a difficult game to play “on my ones” (down with the kids don’t you know)… I dabble in a bit of creative writing so that’s why I tend to write for England rather than talk for it…I used to work in publishing remember and I have a degree in English Literature, yes, it has come in helpful thank you very much!

What am I looking for? Well, that’s a good question. I ask the universe all the time. Perhaps someone who will love me for the rest of my life, as I will them. It’s a mutual thing, partnership, balance, nobody on a power trip – please leave immediately if you are, close the door behind you. There’s no reason to forget your manners.

You shouldn’t be high maintenance or selfish or living in a bubble, you don’t mind staying in or going out, you don’t mind the loud or the quiet, you should never keep me waiting or be late (unless you have a proper reason), and you should want to have my happiness at the core of your very existence because your, our, happiness will be the only thing I will strive to maintain. You should be Merlin AND a Knight of the Round Table…a comicbook hero without the double life thing, Spiderman without the spider thing (scared of them but my vacuum is currently of assistance), Superman without the kryptonite (can’t have someone else being in control of your weakness), so I’m not really asking for much…open-minded, uncontrolling and the ability to rustle up a snickers smoothie on demand would be, well, mortal heaven!

Love can only be sustained and maintained and reach the fizzy heights of butterflies if two people are able to grow together as one with the same outlook on life. It has to be a combination of both otherwise what’s the point in the two of them even trying? I’m not sailing on the Marriage-of-Convenience boat nor am I sailing on the Titanic.

It would be nice to be together for the rest of all time; happy ending; fairytale; I’d (and I’m assuming you would as well) obviously prefer it to be rainbows all the way and it would be nicer if it happened without the seven midgets or the evil step-mother but sometimes, I need to be the big bad wolf and little red, sometimes you will need to huff and puff too, just have to roll with the rough to slick out the smooth.

I’m resilient enough to cope with that, the question is, are you?

on the fly

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contemplating,
state of play
interior raging
gauging faces
opacity races
monochrome stasis
making raises
holy Moses I’m crazy
engaging temptation
creating redemption
bombed out selection
waiting on connection
is it all the same?
circle of life,
waiting for strife,
individual ripe
splintered knife
who takes the final bullet
each time I take the shot
you’re more than I imagined
you are something special
something that i’m not
intelligible halo angel
fallen ranger
it gets stranger
you don’t know me
will you marry me?
i’ve an air balloon ready
my arms ready to carry thee
here’s a teddy bear see
and a big birthday card
come out for coffee
oh cynical me
I believe in me
I believe in me
and if it’s not right
they break and bleed
but they move on
I help them see
in a way you might hate me
but you’ll thank me
in the end
I am your godsend
for a moment
and you will mend
when I’m stolen by the wind again
are you brave enough to catch me?