and it ends here

happiness, is haphazard it makes for un, I am lost as to why my name fails to capture the sun, in its lightning I’m stunned gunned down by algebraic riddles playing to the beat of synthetic drums, moved and shunned, constantly irregular, stumbling in nettles wishing they were blunt, crystallising atoms blooming with needles piercing my thin film, stalling and rising filtering pain as if it was nothing, I died that day you’ll never know, too broken up in your own sway, your muddled up clay pot fixed oh would you look at that hearsay, baby listen to what I say, and here’s the proof it was your diamond day, incarcerated interpretations, expressionless eyes drawing through alluding delusions, doodling sudden executions, sullen renditions ten paces forward, reflection takes tied laces a million paces backwards, pretending absolution, substituting confusion for constitution, facing emptied chassies and looking glass dilemmas, I refract, retracting a spotted stance, speaking through a dreamy seance in a bid to forget the past, I pass time as a pastime, a parting gift for this last climb, drastic change in this cold clime, I’m all mine searching for goldmines, in the daylight and night time, no more bold signs for all times sake, I will be what I am destined to make, meet my maker with a clean grave, no space for even cleansed hatred, I’m hearted to my spiritual matrix, departing from dead particles, I am…

the living article.

Green Wire

Through a lens I can see it occurring. Blue lettering on notepaper tacked to the hallway board. Each a warning. Each filled with less and less love. But he took no notice. I arrive late whilst everything is being stacked into the giant white van, I thought they were moving.

She hands me letters taken from the dressing table, they were in front of the mirror all along. One of the letter papers flames with fire nearly burning to cinders in my hand, shouting for that balm what’s soothing. I quickly move over to the next note. The next photo. He’s in a headlock. At first I thought it was some CCTV violent image shit. Hey that looks like…wait, no, it isn’t. I finally see her face  and tear stains scar her blushed cheeks.

I’m leaving. I’ve already spoken to my mum. I can’t take this anymore. It’s becoming more and more wild. People I don’t even know turn up on the doorstep unannounced.

I’m sorry, I say and notice some of my things are left behind too. I start to wash up and suddenly I’m transported to B’s house. Her curls bouncing around her made up face. How much of a  bitch is she. She won’t let us stay. She was expecting him alone but I turned up too. Considering I’m his long term what was she expecting? Or more to the point, what on earth was she planning!

You can stay here until 9pm only, she mutters with pointed poison…

Can I see you in the other room please?

We shut the door behind us, surrounded by drab grey.

She is being ridiculous. Let’s just get our things and leave now.

Yeah, make sure you get everything from before, let’s not leave anything this time.

I love him.

We start packing with urgency like a bomb is about to set off and, suddenly, we just need to be leaving. The sense of urgency is more real. Packed. I jump on to his motorbike. Who needs a licence around here? That law was abolished ages ago. We ride through dusk and meet J at the fence.

They won’t let me over. They won’t let me through. We part and make a new plan. Disgruntled. I ride back to O’s.

Where are the kids? I look around and notice nobody seems to care they’re bundled on top of the roof like cycles about to drive off.

Sorry love, you’re not taking them on the motorway like that, so I grab them.

I put them in my van, fill the back up with the rest of my stuff.

Quickly. Before they come back and destroy us.

boy who cried

I hide and seek, you skulk and scurry. You choose not to see the unburied worry, my flurried fury salt tears scrub into bitter wounds, heals all lack of space replying in this room. Tomb raiding heartstones you flew back to the moon, caught up in another scented per fume.

Liken it to leaking, you disappear when I’m sleeping. Words slip knot lucid feelings, curling about your lips as if I was dreaming. Your promises, are carried away into a lonely wind, once you were begging marriage now you’re drowning in a rush of sin. Sitting, intently thinking.

You instantly killed, billed any healing, making out you were building and really you were stealing, pretending you were heat seeking my beautiful feelings. My bearded unking. Your truth stings and so the infected contagious satanic hating begins. You teasing heathen, I seethe cleavers in daggered grins.

I send you to the other side, no surrender in my time, distinguished devil hidden in your distinctive eyes. Veiled disguise. Your verses letting nothing in, retaliating with dispersed kamikaze spins. Dizzying, I understand it’s appealing, I’m reeling, in systematic disbelief.

It’s a subconscious thing, breathing incantations keeping me weak. Acting sweet. Your seemingly appeasing demon jumps seats on our carousel. Dousing me with docility conjured up in narrow spells, dark cells, your pragmatic humility swells, sour tasting hells, prescriptive meds, mercury lead in my stems fell me to a layered dead.

Leasing decency coaxing leniency from my every inch, believing you have an opposite meaning to your every thing. Daily invasion demeans me. Your demeanour stinks, I wince at your remedies. Take a man at his word and it leaves you with nothing.

Reminiscent melodies.  Your every double jeopardy is a memory filled with felonies. You’re a deficient being. Stinging me with butterflies and after soothing your cries, you, are the one that’s leaving?

Didn’t know man could, or man would, pretend to be my, wolf.

dearly beloved

we are gathered here today to show you two twinkling voices syncing at sinking moons, once upon a time fairytales in blue, beard was my pirate raucous though he was, ravenous his passion and for me there was none other but him set alight my soul so much so his stars I stole and wrote out his name in burning coal, kohl lined my eyes he glittered in jinn, my blistered fingers in shingles they live, stick in two ju pins ja du I win jamais parce que il parse ma parlez into idioms of will, this atom shatters, these electrons bleed, stifling dust settles on leaves you can’t see, spilling trifles so it came to be, riveting rifles point blank anniversaries puncture pictured skulls so easily, buried in waitered wasteland my maitre d baby, facial muscles remnant, rustling condemnations, reminding hustling bustlers we converse in compensation, see this blood here, it’s literal remuneration, cultural duplicity: guttural functions defunct when a heart is brokered abruptly corrupt, peering at life’s depleting summit, deleting these something nothings, falling from grace a second place: cliff edge rips skin to bloody red shreds: trace DNA two of the same name splayed against leased affray, lead me astray at least but the queen is dead long live the King, it’s a funny old thing how you think you’ll never say the words in your blink.

custodial sentence

Curl inside your arms… protecting me from everything but your attack. Laying asleep in my dreams you suddenly protract.  Your portrait. Poor trait. You’re only an act. Anachronisms fall shameless into tracks: your tacit lack of substance. Counterproductive. Surpassing highs of mocked passions you set in the past. A game I resign from, scrambled emotions I’m dying from. Scrabbled motions see me crying some. Dabbling in subconscious, most reddest rum. You are you. I am me. We will never mix. When we are we, every breath will be an everlasting kiss.

Belonging to me. Alone. Fortress. Formless at my throne. Metamorphosis. Avoiding clones. Your drone strikes close. Reality overdose. Comatose. My heart is breaking. Dictating flaking smiles. You were everything and you forget me in miles. Breaking away, losing face, it’s a plan but none of it makes any sense. Imagine replaces empty veins, a heart beats dead for you, maimed, aim misclaimed. Maxim ordained under attraction subtracted, carving craves.

Stagnant magnets lamed, blame protrudes from promises turned into permanent stains. In amongst a burning forest of arteries, bleeding out stems into clotted roses framed by closed consonant poses. Ripped covenants mostly. Enslaved in echoes of the same name again and… disdain. Tasting belated misses in a mindful breeze, invisible rain. Lips locked… in pain. Rocked by my slayer slain waking with blood on my hands everyday. These palms truth broken stays, revealing stray faiths. An angel, disgraced.

Discontented Consent

A thousand butterfly wings flittering, flickering in the sunlight. Time stood still I was free for an instant. As usual, in the next second the sky fell down on me. The sun. The moon.  All fated wrong.  Resistance weakens my strong. Turns out, it wasn’t you all along. I gaze. And you took. You begged. I faltered because I believed in you still. Now the stillness of each dying heartbeat slow motions every teary blink. Exhausted words. Fragments hurt. Your memory is just another godforsaken blur. Be vacant soul, you dare stir at another sir.

Reminiscing, when I should be kissing the figure in my distance. Persistence, giving in to administered ignorance. I don’t know why I let people into my life when they don’t deserve even a heartbeat of my love. I banish you to the ends of the earth and beyond the reach of immortal space above. Flesh it out, frown in your tears from which I continually save you from. Try your own patience, you’re too much, you grieve my bleeds always and then some. Here I am thinking, thoughting you understand me yet my physicality drowns in numb spirituality. You make me stand under you with such fuss, I was always about us whilst you were out flagrantly flaunting your unjust lust. Fulfilling secret trusts contemplating digits seeking dizzying cups. I was left, with kissing only your sated dust. Wishful thinking outweighing thoughts of waking up.

Licking my own wounds, eating broken teeth. You sit there pleased with your revenge bitten sweet. Bitter Caesar. I can’t speak. Even my shadow is shattered by your prints. Some prince. I’m in pieces seeking peace. Thinking to cut my losses just to be free. Thought he was me. He was the apple. Grappling for power. Twilight hour. Call you in twelve. Every deja-vu is a lie. Each word a truth in your metaphoric sky. Each syllable working against you coveting your love in disguise. Every kiss is lip service to another double roll of your dice. Too scared to be right. I despise your crisis making it mine. This is my life. You’re a waste of my time.

And it’s just begun, all these webs you have spun, strand$ untwisting now that I’ve found them. I’m done. Under the delusion I was the only one. Intricately placated. Privately inundated. I remain in, undated. Volatile. Unsafe. Molested sobriety. Violently violated. Violet bruises. Harassing caresses. A dense tense. Spectrum unfenced, you are my dark side. Ill defined. Sickness radiates from my mind because of how your crying eyes manipulated mine.